In the weeds

I think its fair to say that there were a number of people who expected us to move from our fourth floor walk up and get a car with the arrival of Amelia. Those two things are still not on the Gibson To Do list, but I will admit, one thing that has slipped—somewhere between bottle washing and attempting to find time to make it to the gym—is blogging. But, with a nudge from a dear friend and perhaps for my own memory, here’s the view “from the weeds”—a favorite phrase of Miriam’s Kitchen’s chef.

We’re still amazed at how much our little girl has captured our hearts. Leaving work, sometimes I find that I hop a cab home just because I don’t want to wait and extra half hour to see her. In the morning, my last squeeze before I head out for the day is sometimes one of my favorite parts of the day. Occasionally, I want to stomp my feet like a little girl because I simply don’t want to go to work, and wish I could spend the day with her.

 

Amelia has entered a new phase of development that is so fun. She eats food (squash, peas and carrots are hits. My girl also loves a good fried egg yolk). She rolls over and giggles at our little games. They even have her painting now at “school."

We’re also not sure though where our schedules have gone. Josh and I both wonder out loud about how we’ve let things slip. I only partially joke that if something is not number one on my to do list, it just doesn’t get done.

We spend at least part of our day negotiating schedules and even with two college degrees and one graduate degree between us, it really is never-ending and not easy. We are both committed to still going to the gym, the one thing we have decided we can’t let slip. But then we enter into conversations like this (an extended quote from an actual email, guess who wrote it):

“So, here's how I see our gym situation:

My Gym Preferences
1.) Three times a week (twice Mon-Thurs, once Sat-Sun)
2.) Preferably not three days in a row
3.) Only full workouts (90 minutes at gym, 150 minutes from starting to put on gym clothes to getting home)

Your Preferences
1.) Two times a week
2.) Only classes, no independent workouts
3.) No leaving classes early

Classes you might go to (with possible conflicts/problems in parentheses):

Monday 7PM: Zumba (conflicts with board meetings)
Wednesday 7:30PM: Inspired Yoga 1/2 (Josh can't work out afterwards)
Thursday 7PM: Zumba (frequently social events on Thursdays)
Saturday noon: Inspired Yoga 1/2 (conflicts with Sara's nap)
Sunday 10AM: Anusara Yoga (Gentle Yoga) (conflicts with Josh sleeping in)
Sunday 6PM: Mellow Flow Yoga (conflicts with Sunday dinner prep)

Since my weekend gym trip is usually Sunday, since I can't go to the gym on Wednesday b/c of yoga, since I usually don't go to the gym on Thursdays b/c of social stuff, and since I don't go to the gym on Fridays b/c they close early, that's how I end up going to the gym three days in a row (Sun, Mon, Tue). That's the problem we have to solve.”

But its still all worth it.

Nothing lights up a room like that smile or a giggle.

Back to adoring our little girl and trying to arm wrestle our schedule,

sPg

Savoring

As I was rocking Amelia to sleep tonight, the one word that kept coming to mind was “savoring."  I feel like that is the one word to describe how I go about my hours, days, weeks, and now months with our little Amelia. I just don’t want to miss a thing, and even in those few moments where my eyes seem so incredibly heavy for lack of sleep, I find myself wanting to just soak it all in. I have heard “the days are long, but the years are short,” and at four and half months, I can already sense the truth in that adage.

So, yes, our little girl is nearing five months old. She is squarely a baby now rather than an infant or, to put it differently, and as I’m prone to say, “she’s entirely less blobby now”. She coos, squeaks, laughs, and has endless staring contests with whoever is around.  

She is also our pink bombshell since it seems that about 95 percent of her clothing is pink and there is no doubt that she loves her some breastmilk, from the source please. I think her little personality is starting to show and I predict that she will be a serious and inquisitive little girl. She also still has her blue eyes, but I’m not yet convinced she’ll keep them.

I have also started to sense that just as our little girl is slowly evolving into who she will be, I am continuing to evolve into the type of mother I will be. It continues to be a transition that feels easier than I expected in so many ways, but unexpectedly difficult in others. The business of parenting—whereby I wake up already at a dead sprint and seem to collapse into bed after completing 30 “baby tasks”--hasn’t generally been as difficult or as tedious as I expected. I would even go so far as to say I am having fun. 

Coping with a sore back, aching wrist, and ongoing scheduling negotiations has been harder than I expected. Finding a willing and responsible adult to spend time with Amelia so Josh and I can remember what it's like to be husband and wife (and not just mom and dad) has been gratefully easy due to kind offers by many generous friends and relatives. Finding time to get my hair cut and colored or my eyebrows waxed is a lot harder than it used to be. Dealing with all the details of continuing to breastfeed while also working full time hasn’t been too difficult, but finding time to wash bottles still feels like finding a needle in a haystack. Riding the bus seems remarkably smooth, even with a stroller, but not having the option to just hop into a taxi (since we haven’t figured out yet how to safely put the car seat into the older cars that the cabbies inevitably drive) is one of the biggest life adjustments we've had to make.

I have also realized that I am happily evolving into a fairly low-key mother, which is pleasantly shocking. Even a dear friend said, “You know Sara, I thought you were going to be a lot more neurotic than you are.” I honestly couldn’t agree more. I guess I am finding that just as my “spidey sense” guided me and served me well in pregnancy, it continues to serve me well as we tackle issues from when should Amelia start solid foods (not yet) to what should she eat when she does eat (probably chicken, almost certainly not rice cereal) to when she go to bed (probably a bit later than "typical”). Now don't get me wrong--I don’t want to give away my right to be a crazy, obsessive mom, but I just haven’t quite found the right time or place for it yet. Maybe I’m saving myself up for her school years or for her toddler years.

And so here I end. Its just before 10PM and a few more chores remain to be done—and number one on my to do list is to go peek at that beautiful sleeping little girl of mine just one more time.

Still savoring,

sPg

Papa!

[Josh, right after Sara told him she thought she had gone into labor.]

It's time to put the “his” back in “hisandhersparigi”! Yes, I'm bringing “his” back (but leaving “sexy” right where I left it). We're not in Parigi anymore, so without that, and without me, our blog was running dangerously close to being called “Hers,” which is one towel short of a rack, and sounds suspiciously like “hearse,” which is creepy.

[The day Amelia was born!]


So, I'm a father. Above and beyond the incredible fabulousness of that, I have to admit that it's still unbelievable—literally hard to believe. It's like when I started my first “real job”: it took weeks before I stopped feeling like I was “playing office,” and would be called out for it at any minute. And it's a lot like after getting married—for weeks, I had the hardest time keeping a straight face when I used words like “wife” and “our wedding.” To make a timely analogy, it's a bit like remembering to write “2010” on checks. The first time you do, it's incredibly deliberate, and feels like make-believe. After that, it eventually becomes natural, but every once in a while, it's April, and you find yourself slipping up and writing last year's date.

No, I don't forget I have a daughter! Ever since we decided to expand our family, the whole time Sara was pregnant, and most of all since Amelia was born, we obviously and blissfully have thought of little else. But still, when words like “daughter,” “father,” and “Amelia” come up in conversation, I still skip a beat, and grin a bit internally, before saying them.

A couple of weeks back, at the pediatrician's office, I was checking us in, and the surly desk agent asked me “Child's date of birth?” I paused a few beats too long before responding. Clearly I hadn't forgotten—that's one of those Dates When Everything Changes; plus, who can forget a Halloween birth date?!? I had just never been asked that question that way before. When I told friends or colleagues I hadn't seen for a while that Amelia had arrived, they might ask “When was she born?” But that day at the doctor's office when I was asked for my daughter's birthdate, I literally had to pause for a second and say in my head “You are a father. You have a daughter. Her name is Amelia Simone Gibson. Her date of birth is October 31, 2009.”

Now, three months on, daddyness has become much more natural (though I'll admit to snapping awake once or twice on the couch at 4AM, and thinking “Where am I? I have a daughter? I have a daughter!”

You bet I have a daughter! I love her with every shred of my essence. But I think Sara and I are doing a good job of keeping our identities straight. We' are each ourselves first, husband and wife second, and mother and father third. We wouldn't have Amelia if we didn't have each other, and we wouldn't have each other if we weren't each comfortable in our own skin. Amelia is the pinnacle of our world, but the peak of the pyramid can't be held up unless its foundations are strong.

So yes, since Amelia was born, everything has changed, but nothing has changed. I'm still happy to be me, thrilled to be with Sara, so grateful to love and be loved by my mom, and honored to be a part of Sara's family.

It's just now, I have a tiny, perfect, adorable copilot to share adventures with!

Josh

Here's a bonus picture: It's Amelia doing her William Shatner imitation.  "Where.  Is.  My.  Milk?"

The new ordinary

[I'm a nitwit, it's my fault  that despite Sara's blog being written last Sunday, it's only being posted today.  --Josh]

  

It’s a rainy Sunday morning, and with Amelia gurgling in the background and with Meet the Press on the TV, it seemed like a good moment to offer just a glimpse of where we are. I have been reasonably quiet on the blog front in large part because life is simply chugging along. There have been many small moments that have fascinated me, like watching Amelia seem to discover her hands and actually interact with a toy. There have been a lot of moments that seem mostly ordinary and not quite worth writing about, like 4AM crying sessions and realizing that at least once, in the middle of the night, it had been 5 hours since Amelia had needed our attention. Mostly, we are happily still adjusting to our life with Amelia and I think we're all getting along pretty well.

The grand tour of introductions has continued and that has been a real joy. Amelia and I zoomed off to Indiana for a week while Josh kept the home fires burning in DC. She flew like a pro and I found traveling with her easier than expected. Even though the weather in Indiana was predictably unattractive and my mom was sick for part of our visit, it was so nice to spend time with my parents and introduce David and others to Amelia.

And like most things in life, just when you get the hang of one phase, life has moved on. It's now time for me to learn how to be a working mother. I went to work for one day last week, which was actually nice. Amelia was with Josh, my coworkers were beyond sweet, and Miriam's opened up our new Evening Program, which is really big for our organization. But it almost felt like a little diversion rather than a return to the real world. I had planned to return several other times that week, but Amelia's first [not serious, but still unnerving] illness changed plans and so I'm now using this week as transition. A flexible and understanding boss and husband have made this much easier, but I will say I am approaching this with the dread I had of labor. I wonder how it is that I am going to be up for feedings at 4 and 6AM and still able to fight through the inevitable 1PM fatigue. The reality is that most women I know have juggled this and so I know its possible, but I'm reasonably realistic about the difficulty of it all. My next goal is to make it to Valentine's Day with as much of my sanity intact as possible.

It is also time to return to the gym—something I am both loving and dreading. I can't wait to return to Zumba and I'm vowing to go to yoga, but I haven't yet done either. February 1^st is the deadline that I am setting for myself to get to the gym at least once.

So, no grand thoughts or visions, but life is still pretty good and parenthood is full of daily joy. I bumped into a friend at the blessed Harris Teeter yesterday. She had a baby at the end of November. With Amelia in her stroller zonked out in the dairy section, and her little boy strapped in a baby carrier also snoozing away, we exchanged updates and she said, "I can't believe how much fun it is" and I couldn't agree more.

Chugging along,

sPg

You've Come a Long Way Baby

It was a chilly early evening, but we were bundled up well. Amelia and I had easily navigated a quick trip on the 42 bus past the Christmas lights in Dupont Circle. I "explained" to Amelia that we were on our way to meet a very special person that evening. We were going to meet a long-time friend who also is a big reason why DC became my second home so quickly. And to top it all off, we were going to have a "fancy night", which is why she was in a dress (and a snowsuit). Yes, we were going to pass the evening with my dear friend Becky at the Ritz.

Becky, who normally lives in San Francisco (but hails from Logansport, Indiana) was my first roommate in the DC area when I arrived here in 1998. Back then, she was the only person in town that I could claim to know and even at that, she was still in London for the first few weeks I was here on the East Coast.  

This past week, Becky was in town for business and invited Amelia, Josh and I to spend time with her at the Ritz Club.  She assured me it would be super-easy to bring Amelia, and there would be tasty snacks and beverages, which lured Josh and I. Our location is even more delicious though when you consider that Becky and I met in high school Debate Camp and nearly the entirety of our early friendship was spent in Chesterton, Logansport, or some small high school somewhere else in Indiana at debate tournaments.(for some great vintage pictures of Becky and me, see the end of this blog post.)  In fact, one of our earliest ongoing arguments involved the GATT Treaty (yes, we were that well-read as high schoolers).  We have also been known to visit a truck stop if it was the only place in town to get a decent coffee.

So last night, Amelia and I swung into the lobby of the Ritz—me pushing the stroller—grateful for the door being opened by the well-dressed doorman.  Becky arrived a few minutes later, and gazed at Amelia with the eyes of an old friend. She was grateful to see and meet my young daughter, but she is also someone who could also see the story that brought us to that moment together. In some ways, we were so far from those early days of our friendship, but in the most important ways, we were still the same "well-spoken" small town girls who dreamed of the big world out there, wondering which dream we were going to tackle first. Because Becky also has a young, beautiful three-year-old daughter (Hi Maddie!), she could understand the hopes that a small-town-turned-city girl can offer to her daughter from the earliest days.

I've now been in DC long enough that I am now rarely enamored with "fancy" places, but sometimes I have glimpses of my current life and I have to pinch myself. I'm still a Hoosier at heart. I'm not so removed from my roots that I take the opportunities a big city offers lightly. I still giggle when I think that my daughter will know how to fish and which fork to use at a nice restaurant. I still wish that my grandmother and my Uncle Dan could have lived long enough to see this life, strange it may be, that I've carved out. And I’m grateful that my family has been able to so easily accept this "Sara" that is still entirely Chesterton, but is also just as much DC or Paris; Flannery's and the Ritz; American-made cars and the 42 bus. I'm still all of those things and my hope for Amelia is that she is able to take the world that we give her and make it fit her like a glove whatever size or shape that glove might be.

Wishing on a star for Amelia,

sPg

Glimpses

Last week someone warned me, "The days are long but the years are short" and I think that even feels right in these few weeks. Our little Amelia has been with us for 5 weeks now. In many ways, it feels like she literally arrived yesterday, but then I can also recall enough early morning feedings to reassure myself that in fact, she has been here for over 35 days.

So, a few glimpses from these days to share.

18^th and Columbia Rockstar—One of my favorite moments since Amelia's arrival happened last night. We were strolling home after a quick dinner out and as we approached the intersection by our house, we bumped into the Sitar Gang (from the Sitar Arts Center, where Josh and I met when I worked there and he was on the board), heading home after dinner (presumably) at Mixtec. Of course, we are always excited to run into dear Sitar friends on the street, and there is usually some sort of low level excitement when we happen to bump into one another, but this was something entirely different. For many, it was the first time they had met Amelia, and it was so fun to share such excitement on the streets of Adams Morgan.

We actually caused enough of a scene that random strangers stopped to see what the small crowd was peering at. We heard one man say as he walked away, "oh, so there's a baby in there." I know that Amelia isn't the first or only baby in Adams Morgan, but those ladies sure did make us feel like it for just a few minutes last night!

Strolling—Our new cool stroller arrived last week and we have put some miles on since its arrival! Even if Amelia is squeaking in slight discontent, once we start moving, she's either happily entertained or rocked to sleep, usually within a block. By my rough math, we've already put on about 8 miles or so. We also have had tremendous luck figuring out how to take the bus with the stroller too! I can actually get myself, Amelia and the stroller on and off the bus without any trouble, which is a huge relief.

Kindness of Strangers—Gratefully, the warmth that I felt when I was pregnant has more than continued since Amelia's arrival. Random strangers have offered seats on the bus, helped me on and off the bus, and inquired about our little girl—all of this without touching her (which I do appreciate in the midst of flu/cold season). People seem to respect reasonable boundaries that a newborn requires but also are just simply sweet with their questions. One woman said, "Thank you for giving me some baby time" as she got off the bus—and all I did was sit next to her.

The birds—Now that I think I spend about 20 hours a day feeding my little barracuda, I now have time to literally watch the birds. Thankfully, I had the foresight to buy Josh a birdfeeder for his birthday. Last week, the birds found it and I will admit that I enjoyed hours of bird watching from my couch this week. It sounds silly, but I had forgotten how peaceful it can be to just sit still.

Thanksgiving—Thanksgiving was wonderful. We celebrated with Josh, Bobi (my mother-in-law), and Craig and Mario (our two wonderful neighbors). Foodwise, we mostly ordered out, but mixed in a few homemade family favorites—potato pancakes, stuffing and cranberry sauce. I enjoyed a delightful glass of champagne, and laughed because it was clear our holidays have lost some of their "order". Josh was changing Amelia, Bobi was also nowhere to be found, Mario had ducked next door to get cranberries and Craig and I were left alone at the table with plates of food but no other dining companions. We weren't sure what to do, but then Craig said, "Well I'm from a big family. I learned that you eat when there is food in front of you." I said, "That makes sense to me" as I hoped that maybe a diaper change and a quick start to my meal would mean I might enjoy a few moments of eating without an infant also needing to eat.

The Other Woman—Amelia officially met the other woman in Josh's life: the Lovely Lucero, who cuts Josh's hair every 21 days. It was a big day for Josh and Amelia, as you can imagine.  (Lucero and Amelia share a birthday, by the way.)  And after the haircut, Josh "allowed" Amelia and I to join him at Moby Dick's for his mandatory post-haircut kebab!

Damp clothing—Sometimes I think, "Between Amelia's snarfing and near diaper misses and my own 'milk factory', will I ever not be damp again???"

That smile—It gets me every time. It doesn't matter if its 4AM or noon. Our little girl has started to smile just a nudge more often and its the one time when I feel like time stops.

Back to begging for another smile,

sPg

Adams Morgan's Newest Resident

[The pictures for this blog are from an even more ambitious outing we took a couple of days after the one I describe in the blog.  Here we are at the 14th and U Farmer's Market--admittedly just outside Adams Morgan.]

It's no secret that Josh and I love Adams Morgan and consider ourselves a real part of the community—both for better and for worse. In fact, back on October 30, after my water broke and as we went to catch a cab to Sibley Hospital, it felt somehow appropriate that Adams Morgan was in full swing (at 1:30AM).

As such, it seems exactly appropriate that we are introducing our little one to the neighborhood quite early in her life.  A couple of days back, I decided it was time that Amelia and I went out to say hello to Adams Morgan.  We started, as one might expect, at Tryst. I had a Dirty Chai (decaf) and Amelia slept. We sat at table, Amelia all snuggled in her sling and I enjoyed just being part of the neighborhood. Surprisingly, we didn't see anyone we knew (but I suppose it was 4pm..not high traffic time) and they were unusually speedy with their service.

[The arrival of Amelia has not diminished Josh's love of a tasty pastry.  Here he's enjoying his favorite part of the 14th and U market, the pumpkin whoopie pies.]

Afterwards, I was still feeling energetic and Amelia was still snoozing, so we ventured further. This time we went to Little Shop of Flowers to say hello to Shefika and thank her for the beautiful orchid that she had sent home with Josh when he very sweetly bought flowers from her last weekend. She was charmed by our little one and at first insisted that we take a flower (but I said we would come back another time).

Lastly, I decided we needed a few groceries. Our beloved Harris Teeter seemed just a little too far away, so we picked up a few essentials and even managed to avoid bad service. Finally, we walked back home down Columbia Road.

[The cider stand at the market was out of smaller bottles, so I made do.  Note at left, the cellophane from Josh's pumpkin whoopie pie (see earlier photo), still clutched in his photo-taking hand.]

It feels like a huge accomplishment to be out and about with Amelia. Who would have ever thought that a walk in our neighborhood would feel as exciting as a trip to the moon? I also loved that as we walked, I knew that within a few blocks there were lots of people who honestly care that we have a little one. Columbia Road, 18^th Street, Tryst, the Sitar Center, Jubilee Jumpstart (our future daycare), many restaurants, Harris Teeter, our gym…this is our little world and now Amelia is part of it;. We've also already expanded our Adams Morgan geography. We have already taken a few walks through the parks that are just beyond our door, but which we had mostly ignored until now.I can already imagine Amelia enjoying the swings and meeting other neighborhood kids.

I didn't really imagine what my life would be like when I had children, but I do know that this world isn't what I had in mind. Adams Morgan is mixed up, colorful, crazy and still…oddly enough…home.

I hope Amelia feels the same way.

[Amelia, zonked, after the market trip.]

Loving our mixed up Mayberry,

sPg